There’s something about the push, the hustle, the grind that gets my heart beating fast and energy flowing electric.

I love the way I flow it hard when up against a deadline, when working for something that might seem impossible from the outside, and of course I wait until the last minute to do it because thats what gives me that last oomph that push that pressure to get my ass in gear and has me moving at lighting speed.

I’ve always been wired this way. I live for the thrill, the chase, the kill. The honor and the pleasure that comes from accomplishing the difficult, the impossible, what everyone said I couldn’t do, I did, and thrived on it.

I’m not sure why I am this way, or why I don’t meet many others who possess these same qualities, and in fact these are the same things that I have judged myself for, squashed down, and denied within myself for so long.

I’ve always been self-driven, motivated as fuck and just wanting to go after my dreams.

When I was a little girl I remember that I wanted to be a few different things.

I remember I wanted to be a teacher. Then I found out how much money they made and I said, okay hell no (please forgive me teachers!! Lol).

But the thought of teaching and leading others spiked my curiosity and my passion. I remember playing teacher and really enjoying telling other people what to do.

I also remember for a brief period in my life wanting to be an actress, a performer. I sang solos in front of my church, acted in plays, was a dancer, a cheerleader, a gymnast. I enjoyed being in front of people and having to perform at a high level.

I also remember having another dream: that was to own my own business and be my own boss. I wanted to be an entrepreneur so bad that I even majored in Business Management and got a concentration in Entrepreneurship, Innovation and Technology (did you even know there was such a thing!?).

I had dreams of growing up and living in a big city and just working. That’s all I remember I wanted to do. Nothing else really came to mind for me, I just imagined myself being super successful and working in a big city and being really, really happy.

Which is weird because my life didn’t exactly turn out that way. My college career was cut short when I succumbed to the weight of the emotional, mental and spiritual challenges I was facing at the time. Life has lost its meaning, its lackluster to me and I fell into a deep depression, a dark night of the soul.

There were a few years that I actually call “the lost years.” I had no direction, no purpose, and I didn’t even see the point of getting out of bed each day. I flounded around, fucked up, and tried to get help for my many problems back then. But there was one thing that really got me going— and that was my desire and love for my eating disorder and other addictions.

Those things gave me a temporary high, a way out, and it revved me up like never before. I suddenly had relief from my symptoms, although temporary and fleeting.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that what it really was, was simply misdirected energy.

With no purpose or direction to my life, when those dreams of mine slipped away into nothingness, there was nothing to fuel me to move forward in life.

I am sure you sitting there realizing that this has been the case for you either right now or at some point in your life. When you lost your drive, your passion, your purpose and things seemed meaningless to you.

I was a really inquisitive child and young adult and when I go back and review my journal entries from back then, many of them address this issue of me asking the question, “What’s the point?”

What’s the point of life? What’s the purpose for being here? I really didn’t understand what it was all for. I was miserable, depressed, sick and unhappy.

I had nothing I felt I was essentially living for, which made me feel more depressed and so I went deeper into that hole of depression, anxiety, and feeling sorry for myself.

What I was really lacking was direction, meaning and purpose in my life!��That drive that has fueled so many positive areas of my life— well it was now directed inward and causing direct pain and suffering to every part of my body, mind and soul, day in and day out.

I developed severe anorexia and bulimia and was basically killing myself, attempting a slow suicide. Anorexia has the highest mortality rate of all mental illnesses, did you know that? It’s because coupled with severe depression, you are literally depriving yourself the right to live. I wanted to shrivel up. I wanted to disappear.

I literally was. At my lowest point I was deeply malnourished, shopping in the little girls department, a bag of skin and bones, my organs struggling and starting to shut down.

Those were some of the deepest and darkest times of my life. I battled with my inner demons for years. Even when I thought I had them under control, they would come back again full force with a vengeance.

I felt powerless, a victim to these diseases and addictions, and yet I also felt like I was the one doing it. Of course I was! I was the one doing all the drugs, drinking all the alcohol and blacking out, I was the one starving and binging and purging all day every day, day in and day out.

I was the one putting all my energy and attention into these things that were literally killing myself.

I had several brushes with death that really shook me up. It woke me up to the fact that back then, even though I didn’t want to live, I didn’t want to die either. I had to make a decision, and I had to make it fast or else my life as I knew it would be over.

I did make that decision, and I had to make it over and over again. A series of events happened that literally saved my life, including getting pregnant with my daughter and moving to Pennsylvania near my family and sister who was also pregnant.

There came a time when I literally had to decide what to do with my energy… where was I going to put it? I knew that I was a great and powerful manifestor… after all, I got exactly what I had wanted back then. I was the BEST at being anorexic, bulimic and being fucked up. I was the BEST at living a pointless and purposeless existence.

But I knew I had so much more POTENTIAL than that! I was BETTER than that! I wanted MORE than that, I wanted to let go and leave that old life behind… yet I didn’t know exactly what I was capable of. All I knew was that I had SO MUCH ENERGY flowing through me and I just needed a channel, and outlet to pour it into, to direct this massive flow of energy, and I made a MAJOR decision to finally use it for GOOD.

That was literally a day that changed my life. I decided to use my powers to not hurt and harm myself any longer, but to channel it into a way to better myself, to use it for not only the Highest Good of myself, but for improving other people’s lives as well. I knew there had to be a different, a better way of doing things, and I was determined to find that for myself.

“But Lauren!” They told me, “You CAN’T recover from this. It’s a DISEASE! You will ALWAYS struggle with this!” A hospital director took me aside and told me that I wouldn’t make it. He told me that if I left their residential treatment facility against medical advice, that I would DIE.

He told me I didn’t have a chance in the world, and that I needed to stay there and accept my diagnosis. That I was crazy as fuck and wouldn’t recover. Ever. Now that was the craziest thing I had ever heard!! Of COURSE I could recover. Who is this fucking guy to tell me that I couldn’t fucking DO something?!

That was the fuel that lit my fire, and from then on I was determined and lit up and ready to tear some shit up and PROVE that I COULD do it. It was me against the world, and I knew that I was powerful and intelligent enough to figure this out on my own.

Figure it out I did! With the help of countless others that helped me come to a place of full recovery, healing and transformation from my eating disorder and other addictions. I gained weight and became healthy again. I stopped binging and purging. I stopped using drugs and binge drinking. I began this journey of recovery that brought me to a place where I fully recovered from it all including my severe depression, anxiety, and PTSD.

I had made the decision to put all my energy into my healing work— and benefitted greatly from this!! I finally felt like I had done something WORTHY in my life. Like WOW, I proved everyone wrong and I actually got to a place where I had never felt happier, more at peace, and in love with myself and my life. I absolutely surrendered it all and put all this energy into creating an entirely new life for myself.

I began to have the desire to help others with their problems. I remember how magical it was to begin to mentor and coach other women who were struggling. It was one of the most powerful feelings, to share and know that I was actually making a difference in someone else’s life!! It was incredible to me, and I was hooked.

I poured my energy into these women I was mentoring, and after a year I made a life-altering decision to start charging money for my services! I closed the doors of running my own life insurance business and launched my coaching business and website the following week. Hehe, I act fast— the Universe LOVES speed. 🙂

Since then, this thing that I had built for myself has continued to expand and grow. I still get blown away by the fact that the exact amount of energy I put into it, that’s exactly what I get out of it. That sounds pretty obvious, but it’s one of those things that I’ve come to recognize has great meaning for me.

You see, since then I feel as if I haven’t really gone all in, or done everything that I could have to grow the business in a way that utilizes all of my energy and potential that I have within me.

And that frustrates me! I don’t know if its that driven, motivated as fuck powerful goddess warrior that I have within me, or the perfectionistic type A personality that I always feel I have to be the best, and do my best… but whatever it is, I KNOW that I have so much more to offer this world.

I feel as if I’m barely scratching the surface as to what I can accomplish.

Just this last year I was blown away by all of the accomplishments, major leaps and financial goals that I hit over and over again.

I don’t know why more people AREN’T following their dreams like this, as we have so much to offer by way of our INNER RESOURCES and sharing our GIFTS to the world, following our passions and living a life of purpose.

And when we do, what I’ve found is that we are richly rewarded in return. Both fulfilling the deepest desires of my soul, and also providing a rich and beautiful life for myself and my family, filled with everything that we could ever want and desire.

I mean come on, I’m writing this to you from a cafe in Bali!!! Life is good!! I just spent a few weeks in Newport Beach, now I’m living in Bali for a month, and then I head to Hawaii for another couple of weeks to do a Spiritual Higher Consciousness training, then I’ll head back to the California coast again.

I now live a life that I couldn’t even FATHOM just 8 or 10 years ago. I have come SO FAR, and its simply a result of going within and harnessing the natural energy, skills, gifts and talents that I have been given, and sharing that with the world.

It’s something that I have felt so much pride over and also something that I feel like I need to hold back with.

Like— OMG who am I going to offend by sharing how amazing life actually is for me, or can be for you as well? When there are so many people suffering, so many people struggling with these things that I can SO relate to. I mean, yes I went through it not long ago myself. Who am I to share my GREATNESS and my LIGHT with the world?

Well who am I NOT to? Now that would be selfish of me 🙂

SO really what it comes down to is me not apologizing anymore for being who I am and sharing what I have to offer this world. If someone doesn’t like me for it, that’s totally okay with me. I am a beacon, a light to the world to show up and show you that you can do ANYTHING you put your mind to.

You have so much energy and inner resources, that when you simply just harness that and take back your power, you can create magic and miracles in your life.

I see it over and over and over again with the women and men I guide in my Breakthrough Coaching processes, programs, and Intensive Retreat Weekends.

They come in with so much baggage, addictions, traumas, so many limiting beliefs and stories weighing them down, and with some effort, energy and WORK, they emerge on the other side beautifully transformed. FREE! They fall in love with themselves and begin to create a beautiful life for themselves.

It’s amazing what happens when we give ourselves permission to just be who we are, and live into our edge.

I never imagined back in the depths of the despair that it would become my GREATEST GIFT.

From the depths and for the breakdowns are what create the BREAKTHROUGH.

You can’t see the light and dawn of day without traversing through the darkness first.

I know the darkness well, in fact I harnessed my energy for a purpose that was direction-less, purpose-less and meaning-less for so long, and what I learned was that ultimately, I knew I deserved more. I made a different choice for myself, to harness my inner powers of creation, of energy and attention, and visualized myself in an entirely new light.

This changed EVERYTHING for me.

And it can change EVERYTHING for you, too.

If only you decide.

You make that choice for YOU.

Knowing that you are making the HARDEST and most IMPORTANT choice you have ever made in your entire life.

No, it will not be easy.

But it will feel really fucking good when you do.

*Where are YOU ready to direct and channel your energy, to harness it towards the LIGHT, to help you step into your own Highest Good, destiny and personal legend?*

It will be the deepest and most difficult and yet transformative work of your life. You will want to quit, you will feel the depth and pain of everything you’ve ever held on to. You will have to face your demons, and then as hard as it is, turn to the LIGHT and never look back.

It is a lifetime journey of growth, of evolution, of passion, persistence and ultimate surrender. For me, its not really my journey that I’m on after all.

I’m just here to serve.

It’s time to step up and be, do or have everything you DESIRE and DESERVE in your life.

Anything is possible.

Believe in your dreams— because if you don’t, who will?

Eternally yours, in light and love and service,

Lauren Love